Transitions: post-Talk Up Radio Producer

For five years I wrote every script that came out of Talk Up Radio. 50+ Saturdays in a year - I produced 50+ episodes each year. I remember hitting the hundredth episode and then the 200th episode and then 250 - all with my name at the top. The topics were a team effort, usually the result of collaboration between my Co-Producer and I or the entire team, but the actual production - deciding where to put each segment, each guest, deciding each question and each insert - I did that.

Producing radio became my practice - the thing I did so consistently and so wholly, with so much effort, that I developed real expertise. I became so good at putting together a show that I could do it on 1 hour of sleep, 1 hour before showtime (I never did this lol, but I could’ve). I got to that place of inner peace where the hurdles - a guest backing out last minute, a lightning strike knocking out the phone lines, a tough interview with a politician, that used to send me panicking, actually became exciting to me. They became new opportunities to flex my muscles and challenge myself again, to feel a sense of accomplishment when I handled them with the dexterity of a professional.

But… sometime around mid year 2020, deep in the pandemic when I was singlehandedly writing those scripts and executing them by myself in the studio alone to limit the spread of the virus by working with a skeleton team so everybody else could stay safe at home - somewhere in there I realized I’d reached the limits of the current experience and needed to change in some way. And that was scary for me because in some ways I’d begun to feel like Talk Up Radio and radio production/civic media was me. Who would I be if not the producer of Talk Up Radio?

Talk Up Radio was always intended to be fertile ground - a space where voices, ideas, confidence, courage and knowledge could be cultivated alongside friendship and fun. To accomplish that we had to agree to support each other while challenging each other. The team will tell you - Andrica and I were spent as much time on content as we did team. Each co-host received individualized and group feedback intended to help them develop as presenters - to recognize their unique gifts - from Dainalyn’s ability to connect to Demoye’s ability to break the ice with humour to Malike’s accessible wit to Shaqkeera’s warmth.

But what did that mean for me? What unique gifts did I need to develop further? How would I use what I’d learned and accomplished in this space to take me into the next? And what did it mean for Talk Up Radio?

I didn’t know. I hadn’t really spent a lot of time thinking about my unique magic I brought to my work. I knew I was proficient, skilled, and I could differentiate between my strengths and Andrica’s but there was a deeper level of Kristeena-ness here, evident in how passionate I’d become about the work, that I wanted to lean into, recognize, celebrate and take with me.

But first, Andrica and I went back to the drawing board and pulling on Emprezz’ long term plans for the programme’s development, our plans, plus ideas from the team and began to slowly create a vision for the next phase. With some consultations, some planning, some research and some training we’ve been able to transition - stepping back from producing, handing over that role to a the next generation of Talk Up Radio team members.

Our newest challenge is as Senior Producers, to guide and support the team and continue to steer it, and for me, that’s opened up a space in my life that I’ve been using to make personal transitions of my own, leaning into the Kristeena-ness, taking it through new doors, down new paths into new intervals of possibility. I don’t know where they all lead yet but I’m enjoying the experience of expansion and the time with me.

Wherever I go I’m making space for all my hope, imagination, kindness, curiosity, my ability to trust my own voice even as I challenge myself and my beliefs etc. Recognizing my need to push back against story humanity is currently telling ourselves about who we are that centers on inherent cruelty, depravity, and selfishness, to believe in, better understand and work towards good. And in the midst of all of that to celebrate being alive, loved, in good company and spirits.

And the rest will fall into place.